Happy Memorial Day, everyone! Today, I chose to honor this holiday by buying a pair of Steve Madden booties at the Nordstrom Rack. There was a girl in front of me in line who was clearly a recent high school graduate (she was shopping for platforms but had not yet developed the comfortably soft physique familiar to undergraduate women who are not employed as shot girls). I looked at her in all her hopefulness as we both argued lightly with our moms about who was paying, and I felt a pang of nostalgia. These are the moments I didn’t see coming when I was in her (new, discount) shoes.
I gained (and lost) 15 pounds and almost no one noticed. Stop stressing about the freshman fifteen because it happened to me and my hairdresser adamantly insisted I had not gained any weight. My feelings were lightly hurt when I once commented about how obese I looked in a photo at my heaviest and people said I look the same now.
I passed Calc 3. And then I never shut up about it. I am actually having a small custom trophy made for this accomplishment currently.
I should stop buying things online from Charlotte Russe. This is the cause of much of the rayon in my closet and the reason I had a weird obsession with minimalism and organizing this spring.
I cried when I bought my first suit. In a weird alternate universe, it was because I was proud of the accomplished young woman I was becoming and the bright future ahead of me. Really, I just felt ugly. I would recommend curling your hair and wearing pantyhose to combat this phenomenon. Don’t say to yourself, “I will look like this for the rest of my life.”
Buying a Swiffer is a rite of passage. I have attended a few Quinceañeras and one bar mitzvah, but if you are a white middle American like me without the funds for a Sweet 16, the purchase and subsequent usage of a Swiffer sweeper signifies the passage into adulthood. Cherish the moment, it is fleeting.
Sometimes I catch myself being who I always wanted to be. And I’m like Hey! This doesn’t feel as cool as I thought it would. I thought I would be taller! And more aloof!
My majors– Finance and Economics– interest me and could foreseeably pay my bills one day. Yet, they are a total conversation killer. I am always tempted to tell people I am a Marine Biology major. Everyone loves dolphins; no one loves the Federal Open Market Committee.
I used to think I was a pretty big narcissist. But then I got to college and realized I wasn’t even the best at that! It is truly amazing what being in a large pool of talented people will teach you.
Congrats, graduates! Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you will perish in zero gravity and your death will be on the Today show!
Xoxo,
Megan
anything for a joke 