Fair warning: this is one of my quarterly “blogger-y blogs.” It’s long and a little bit more done than I normally like to do, but I think I maybe said something new or cool here.
…
I think everyone in my generation knows that it can be far too easy to consume in excess– fast fashion and fast food, particularly– but increasingly I’m noticing fast friends, a flavor-of-the-week phenomenon based upon mutual boyfriends or compatible Instagram angles. It can be easy to write these friendships off as adventures or merely being social, but increasingly they are replacing friendships of substance based on shared values.
As I get older, my friends don’t play on the soccer team with me or dance at the same studio. We often aren’t in the same classes and our parents don’t know each other. What holds us together aren’t common interests or obligations, but an understanding that we value the same things. Our majors, hometowns, and personal styles make up who we are, but what is more important is what we are about.
…
Momento Mori is the motto of the school in A Series of Unfortunate Events. It means “Remember you will die,” which used to freak me out, but now has become one of my personal mottos.
Friend: Dude, you’re wearing a yellow shirt and red shorts…
Me: Everyone dies someday.
This is not as depressing as it seems. Imagine being freed of everything embarrassing you’ve ever done. That time you used the boys’ bathroom in the fourth grade– gone. When you had braces– gone. One day, all these things will disappear, because you– and everyone else who could have witnessed it– will die. Our embarrassments are temporary, our worries are temporary, our bad outfits are very, very temporary. Instagram is on the internet (home of screenshots and databases) and it is still only as lasting as the collective whims and tastes of the youth. Only one thing lasts: your legacy. The values you carried, the morals you lived by, the work you did: these are the things that are lasting, meaningful, and memorable. When you are dead– when everyone who knew you is dead– who you were will not matter, but what you were about will.
…
I learned everything about what I’m about from my father, one of the coolest guys around and a friend I would like to have. These are Dan Anderson’s secrets to good living– the qualities I look for in myself in a friend.
- Pet all dogs.
- Be an encourager. Dan Anderson (hereby referred to as Danderson) isn’t afraid of a pre-game or post-game talk. He could often be found behind the goalie’s net yelling, “You’ll get ’em next time!” or “Keep your head up!” I never played goalie. This didn’t stop Danderson.
- Hold on. My dad has had the same best friend since third grade. They still talk every week and can be found on a golf trip together or at each other’s milestone birthdays, telling crazy stories from growing up down the street to their college days. My dad doesn’t have a Facebook; in his words, “Anyone I wanted to keep up with, I did.” He’s been married to my mom for over 25 years– that’s holding on.
- Laugh. In church, too. At yourself, too
- Go the extra mile. Whether is was standing in line for an hour to buy out the store of dark chocolate-covered strawberries for Valentine’s Day or waking up every fall and winter Friday to make a pre-game breakfast for me (I was a cheerleader and had no measurable effect on the game), Danderson does not half-ass it. When my family delivers Thanksgiving turkeys to families in need, my dad ups our number each year and often stays to deliver the strays that no one else claimed.
- Work hard. Do your homework first. Do your homework early. You never know when something fun will come up and you need to be ready.
- Do the right thing, and when you mess up, admit it. My dad says sorry. My dad says, “I’m just learning, too.”
Living with permanence, like my dad does, requires selflessness, loyalty, and dedication. It requires self-evaluation, which isn’t comfortable. It requires depth. My dad has never gotten a like on Facebook or Instagram, he doesn’t follow the trends, and he doesn’t understand any music that came out after ’89, but he is someone I would count myself as lucky to have as a friend. We could all use more of them.
…
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
xo,
Megan
anything for a joke 