I Found The One!

Sometimes in your life, you stumble upon something magical, breath taking, once in a lifetime. You create memories, discover each other, and grow as human beings, together.

This is not about that (I would never write that poorly. I hope you know that). It’s about two hair products and a lipstick.

This is not normally a beauty blog because anyone that knows me knows I don’t care what I look like half of the time. But the other 50%, I love trying (and buying) new and different products, which are sometimes delightful and often disappointing. After many years of restless wandering, these are the (drug store because I’m college poor) products that have proved their loyalty to me, in sickness and in health, till death do we part.

Herbal Essences/ Aussie Shampoo & Conditioner

She’s started out strong, you might be thinking, Two grocery store staples. Classy. Classic. And to that I say, I just listened to a sermon on anger, so I’m going to be very patient with you. I have elbow-length hair. I have tried everything. These chemical laden, skating-rink-packed-with-middle-schoolers-scented products are my salves. One day, when I am a mature adult, I will progress to Aussie, but for now, I’m a Herbal Essences girl. I smell like cheap fruit and puberty, and boys like that, I think.

Frogs kissed: Paul Mitchell, L’Oreal, Organix, not washing my hair

Covergirl Outlast Lip Color

This stuff lasts all night, through drinks and confessions and kisses and pizza rolls and all the way through math lab the next morning. The only things more lasting than this lipstick/gorilla glue hybrid are swallowed gum and embarrassment. Caution: if you apply outside the lines, you may require a skin graft to return to your natural shape.

Frogs kissed: LipSmackers, MAC, Burt’s Bees, literally every other lip product known to man

Not Your Mother’s Beach Babe Texturizing Cream

Am I allowed to be mad that wavy hair is popular now? It doesn’t matter; I am mad. I looooove your hair, everyone says. Really. Because you didn’t love it in 2008 when wavy hair was not even a heard of “thing” and I was straightening my hair every day so I could look like Paris Hilton and everyone else in the seventh grade. I’m still bitter, but if you’re bitter and lazy like me, this is the product for you. It smells like vanilla and manages frizz without being crunchy. It’s also only $5 and it tells you you’re a babe every morning which is more than most of us can say about our dates. Bring this into your life and manage any long-standing self-esteem issues is what I’m saying.

Frogs kissed: TIGI Catwalk Curls, some ginger-smelling salon products, GEL (!!!!!)

This has been a wrap up of the only products I would consistently trust if I was a dead body and I was having an open casket viewing. If you thought this was going to be about my boyfriend, lol, gotcha, you’ve been a victim of shameless click bait. I don’t talk about the boy online. Tacky.

Prank Team Out,

Megzzzz