While a lot of people have been writing about their freshman year, using lists and gifs to (somewhat cliche-ly, let’s be real) sum up their experiences, I’ve been thinking on the subject as well. Because I’m not a real blog and because I think most lists, even if they’re really accurate, insult the intelligence of the general populace and add nothing to the global conversation that we, as young people, are so blessed to be a part of, I’m going to instead focus on how my freshman year was defined by two questions: What do you want to do and How good are you, really?
When you’re in high school, it doesn’t really matter what you want to do. It does, to some extent, because you’re making huge, life altering choices about your future, but at the same time you still have to ask to use the bathroom. I don’t know how we as a society reached a point where we trust teenagers to take out massive student loans in order to make the single largest capital investment of their lives but somehow handling their bodily functions is beyond them? If you want to talk about double standards, that’s the one I want to talk about. Moving on: all your life you are prodded, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and you answer, “A veterinarian!” if you’re like every other girl in my first grade class or “A zamboni driver until I’m 80 and then an astronaut!” if you’re 7 year-old Megan. But you never really have the power to chase those dreams. Sure, you can take a lot of science classes and volunteer at the Humane Society or spend every spare moment at the ice rink until the local U-18 hockey team puts out a restraining order on you, but you have no tangible ways of working towards your career goals. In college, I have changed my major four times, three of them before I took a single class, so I have had lots of opportunity to directly affect my future. I’m also going to Italy (ITALY), which has been a lifelong dream of mine that I am finally old enough to chase. And it’s not just the huge, life-altering decisions. It’s getting to chew gum and wear a hat whenever I want (side note– if I’m ever rich enough to make a large donation to Topeka High I’m going to have a portrait painted in which I’m wearing both a strapless top and a baseball cap. It will be hung in the library and it will be hilarious). Every day, the question is “What do you want to do, Megan?” and I say to myself, “Self, I will do whatever I want.” It’s pretty great.
On the flip side, college is a whole new world. When I lived in my hometown, I often wondered if I was standing on my own two legs or being supported by the friends and accomplishments I had previously secured as crutches. Being confident was easy; everyone had known me and could speak to everything I had accomplished in my whole life. It was kind of like being a Spice Girl: even if you accomplished nothing else, ever, people could still talk about that time you were a Spice Girl. So the question in college has become, “How good are you, really?” Really really. Not just compared to your high school or your small town but compared to the 300 foreign students who are applying to your masters program and are in the library at 11 on a Friday, and not just during finals week. This question and its competitive nature keep me from failing out of school when the answer to “What do you want to do?” is “Dance on top of the Theta Chi couch until 2 a.m. the night before my Econ test.” My competitive nature is, at times, the only thing that motivates me to better myself, which is a little scary. Think about it: if I didn’t want to beat other people at things, I wouldn’t really care what happened to me. Scary. But yay I like winning so I won’t allow myself to fall into irreparable sloth!!
Freshman year has helped me discover who I am. I am pretty much a fully formed adult at the moment; I have emerged from my chrysalis; I am a butterfly; trust me with your retirement fund because I am a business lady. Those were all jokes but some of them were sort of true-ish. I don’t know if this was the best freshman summary in the universe but just because I’m not a real blog doesn’t mean I’m above click-bait. I’m just gonna log off because finals week is getting to me and this is getting weird.
Love,
Megan
Final thought: My brother has two commemorative tattoos of his college and his major (he’s a nuclear engineer from Missouri Science and Tech). If I got a similar tattoo it would be a taxidermied Big Al stuffed and overflowing with money because I’m a finance and economics major at Alabama. Roll Tide.
Someone take the internet away from me.
anything for a joke 